anxiety, compassion, crisis, darshan, distress, EFT, fear, frustration, healers, healing, Indigos, judgment, kindness, life journey, meditation, merkaba, mirroring, negativity, Nick Ortner, paper tigers, response-ability, responsibility, sadness, spiritual healers, tapping, thinking positive, too negative, vulnerability
Hello, Fellow Travelers!
Today I would like to talk about a phenomenon that has been showing up in my life for quite a while, the one of being called “Too Negative.”
This statement, coming from strangers, can be brushed off most of the time, but getting it from friends who know you well and happy, too, this hurts – to say the least. But worst of all is hearing this statement from people who call themselves “healers,” heard your woes in a session, did a healing on you in one or more modality they specialize in, and then release you into the world as if everything, every wound, current problem, or sticky life situation, were suddenly and miraculously healed, solved, and turned around. Yes, that happened to me too, recently, thrice to be exact.
Now, I could better understand that if I were truly a negative person (that is one who never focuses on becoming whole), but in fact I am not. I just happen to be on a rather arduous journey of growth at the moment. To back this up, I have asked several friends, who have known me for a long time, have seen me go through various versions of hell and experienced my spirit through all of that.
And that is, possibly, the key to all this. My true friends are fellow travelers. Unlike the “healers” who had a spiritual awakening and now own a thriving business telling people the like of me we need lots of healing, my real friends are on arduous journeys, too. They are also of similar spirit. Indigos, for instance, have chosen a challenging life, because they have a lot of things to change in this world – one of them is to point out flaws in the system (I gather, even the newly developed system of spiritual healers). Others, who may be doing well on the surface, as your friend, reveal their inner struggle – they just happen to smile through all this. Yet, is it a crime to not smile when I don’t feel like smiling? One could call those people slightly disingenuous.
While I prefer to not call them anything, because I am training myself not to judge, I wish that others would refrain from judging me, too. Just because I cannot smile through a “paper tiger” scare (see referenced article by Nick Ortner) because I am not balanced but whorled over to the darker side at that moment, does not mean I am by my constitution generally negative. On the contrary. If I were, I would not continue to seek healing (even from so-called professionals who have a lot left to learn themselves), participate in healing myself daily (with whatever method comes to mind in the current situation, ranging from EFT to Energy Work or MerKaBa Mediation to darshans), and realize that those people are, in the end, still mirrors showing me a variety of things for which I can be grateful.
However, it took a lovely person at the last darshan to point this out to me in a loving way – and yes, that is possible. Instead of pointing toward the “negative still in yourself” – a sentiment no person in crisis needs to hear – the lady focused on the positive and said: “Maybe it is showing you that the best help you can get you get from yourself, that only you yourself can truly heal you.” Now that is truly healing and yes, COMFORTING, a sentiment desperate people need most. The statement does not deny any negative aspects, but focuses on the positive in that statement, namely the inner strength of the person receiving this judgment of “Being Too Negative.”
This is really interesting; while former people have focused on the negative themselves, this lady focused on the positive, although, of course, my answer to her question of “How are you doing” was my answer of truth at the moment, that I was scared to talk to people because they find me too negative… You see, when you are in crisis (which you normally are when talking to your “healer”) you tend to mention the things that preoccupy you instead of describing the beauty of the birds in the tree… Right?
In conclusion, I am not sure whether running into this lady was a reflection of myself allowing to see the positive more than the negative. I am sure, it was to a certain extent. Nevertheless, I also think that people, generally, need to be more careful with that judgment of labeling some one as “too negative.” While they certainly have the right to choose with whom to communicate (if it is not a healer taking money for services, that is), they should still act with more care of and for their fellow travelers. Because YOU think I am too negative also says something about YOURSELF. Therefore, a more correct and much kinder response would be to say something like “in my current state I do not know how to protect myself from being affected by your sadness/fear/anxiety/frustration/…” Because then, the statement reflects their true reason for telling you off instead of accusing you of “being too negative.” Additionally, an honesty like that might even lead to mutual healing – something that has never happened to me yet. But I imagine something like their admitting to their vulnerability and my comforting them in return. This way, the supposed “energy drain of being too negative” can actually turn into a flow of healing energy that goes both ways. (I never withheld healing from the other person, I remember. They just did not open up to the possibility.) That would be called a better response-ability.
One cannot really be too negative. One can only be at different stages of one’s journey. Even people who do nothing but complain (which, by the way, is different from expressing a current state of distress) are at a certain point in their journey. You don’t have to like their way of dealing with life. But neither do you have to tell them something that will negatively affect their healing. So, I beg you, whatever you do, please never call anybody “too negative.” If you yourself attempt to be a responsible / response-able person on a journey to wholeness, be kind. If you yourself are truly on the path and have learned anything from it, you know the point the other person is at. And do you remember what helped you most? Kindness!
Please share! Namaste’